Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
