If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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