i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
