What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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