Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
