i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
