so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
