I heard we made out
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
