if only i could text you this smell
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
