sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
