no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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