you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
