New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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