Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
