peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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