My hair reeks of homosexuality.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
