I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
