Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
