You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
