the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Buhtt sex?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
