I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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