He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
