First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
