Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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