Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Congratulations! We have a period
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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