it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it hurts more in the daytime
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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