guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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