so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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