they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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