Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
