yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
