It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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