i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
