We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
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Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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