she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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