i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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