Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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