Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
