Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
