If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
