I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
