I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
