He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
