I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
