i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
