morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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