Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
