they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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