she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
