Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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