Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that's an acceptable place to lick
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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