he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
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Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
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I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.