Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
