it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD