We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Plural? Please tell.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in