I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
