We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He called his prostate his "boner button".
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
