Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
