I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
