I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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