Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
