I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
