i think i have herpe
just one?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
