he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
